"7 Levels"

Where am I going? 

To heaven or hell? 

Lost in this limbo,

Drowning in this dream,

Wondering when I will ever awake?

Adrenaline rushing through my bloodstream,

Fighting inferno--

Shall I say farewell?

Time is not slowing:

From my own fate, I can find no escape.

So tell me: shall I leave or shall I stay?

This Moment

I thought life was finally rewarding me
For all those times I fought
Every temptation, every easy escape--
Even when I was tiptoeing the line of losing me.

But no, & such has always been my journey:
The only helping hand is my other hand.

I don't know what I'm doing,
Nor do I know where I'm going...
Whether I will regret this moment
Or sigh with relief in reminiscence--

I only know I must stay true to myself
For this is the only thing I know with certainty. 

"My Shadow Follows Me"

LAnd wherever darkness falls,
You will find me.

For whenever light overtakes the gloom,
My shadow follows me.

I fly to the ends of the Earth
For it to leave me.

But it cowers behind me;
And it consumes me,
Until darkness befalls me.

"That Which I Love the Most"

I don't want to be like your other friends
Who will say to you:
Just stay positive,
Keep your head high up,
Don't be negative,
You have oh so much to be grateful for.
Think of all the undeserved suffering
All around the world. 

I want to be your different, special friend
Who can say to you:
Oh be negative,
Lay your head on me,
Don't force positive,
You can have everything and nothing too.
Think of all the unearned privileges
All around the world. 


Since you're stuck with your family till the end, 

I'm just grateful you chose me as your friend.
But I don't need thank you pats on my back,
I'm just as selfish; there's a lot I lack.

I'm doing this when your life lacks flavor,
In the hopes you will return the favor. 
Know that I am calling myself out too,
When I cry foul on what you say and do.

I'll understand if you go underground,
Since I also can't always be around,
Explanations are unnecessary,
Fine balance is what is necessary. 


Because
Life is joy,
Joy is beauty,
Beauty is pain,
And I have learned that which you love the most,
Will be what shall build and kill you the most. 

"Wherever I go"

Your pain belongs to me too--

& I dare to say your pain matters more to me than my own pain...

When all is dark,

When I can't see the turquoise waves of the Caribbean seas,

But see my bleeding heart sinking with the blood-red sun,

When I can't still the waters of my racing mind,

When I can't distract me w/ worldly things

When I feel weak & weary...

I pray to a God I never knew

That you never feel the pain that I carry with me--

Wherever I go.

A.S.K.

Inspired by e.e.cummings